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Back to Search“Being a dad is brilliant. I never thought I had it in me to think about someone else so much, but Zac makes it so easy. We love every single moment of being parents – especially when he sleeps through the night!”
Countless dirty nappies, a parade of outfit changes and one lovely little human; Martin Smith and his husband Paul are now both happily ensconced in family life with their first child – Zac. And while living with a new born will be a familiar story for many, as same-sex parents Martin and Paul’s journey to welcoming Zac into their lives was certainly a little different. As part of Pride Month this year, we spoke to Martin about his experience to becoming a new parent.
How did it all begin?
Paul and I have been together for more than 15 years and never really thought about having kids before. But one day we were having brunch with a friend who had a newborn and something just clicked. After deciding together that we wanted to start a family, we went straight to Google, of course. We googled ‘Gay Dads Victoria’ and one of the top results was an article in The Age Australia’s newspaper interviewing new dads. Fortunately for us, one of them had an unusual surname and was easy to reach out to on Facebook. We sent him a message asking to meet for a chat – and the rest is history. We found our egg donor and surrogate via online forums. The time we first had the conversation to when Zac was born was about two years.
How does surrogacy work in Australia?
It’s a lot like a ‘choose your own adventure’ book! In our case we had to deal with a number of challenges, each with their own series of mini challenges. Surrogacy in Australia is altruistic, and is built completely upon relationships and trust. There is also a lot of legislative hurdles that you must clear before being granted permission from the government to proceed with a surrogacy arrangement. This is for the best interests and protections of all parties involved, but as with many longstanding legal processes, they do not always make a lot of sense in the realities of modern life. But we took each step on its own, without ever looking too far ahead, to focus on what was needed at that point in time.
How did you balance work and support your surrogate throughout the pregnancy?
Our surrogate lives in Brisbane, Queensland and our egg donor lives in Hobart, Tasmania so obviously from the get-go there was a lot of travel involved. In the early days travel was able to be planned reasonably easily for different scans and tests, but as the pregnancy developed we had less lead time to respond and would need to get to Queensland on short notice. GHD’s offices across Australia and the support from management, the people team, and my own colleagues was extraordinary and made all of this infinitely easier than it might otherwise have been.
I would often work out of our Hobart or Brisbane offices before and after appointments, or work from airport lounges and cafes as needed. Everyone at GHD has been so excited and supportive of me throughout this entire journey. It is very humbling and makes me so very proud to work for such an inclusive company who have provided such great support and made it all the more special. They say it takes a village to raise a child. In my case GHD really did help to create one.
What are some of the highlights of your experience so far?
There are really too many to list here, but a few highlights would include the very first scan, at six weeks, that quite clearly showed his heartbeat for the first time. This made it very real that we had a baby in our midst, a real human creation, after so much energy spent on theory and paperwork. But nothing could really come close to the experience of the birth. It was out of this world – intense, surreal, and utterly consuming. I have never felt emotion like it. Our love for our child was instantaneous and overwhelming in a way that neither of us were truly prepared for.
The element that I was most grateful for during the pregnancy was the universal support that Paul and I received from everyone that knew us, and the support we received from our employers. There was not a single negative reaction from anyone – just unconditional love and support from absolutely everyone.
Martin’s top tips for new parents
- Don’t be a hero – if you need help, ask for it. If you need to delay a meeting because your tiny human has vomited on your keyboard (true story), then just ask. People will and do understand.
- Flex your work – don’t feel that you have to do your eight hour day in a straight eight hours. It usually takes me about 11 hours to get the day’s work in, but it means I get lots of little breaks with Zac throughout the day. He is the remote working equivalent of a trip to the coffee machine.
- Properly separate your tasks – my biggest mistake when returning to work after taking parental leave was trying to parent and work at the same time, and I felt that the result was me only ever being 50% invested in each. It is so important to focus wholeheartedly on what is in front of you. If you are feeding your baby, then refrain from reading emails while doing so and vice versa. I should add that I still do this, but do at least know that I shouldn’t!
- Don’t even worry about the housework – that’ll still be there tomorrow / next year.
Martin’s top tips for LGBTI people looking to start a family
- Don’t assume you can’t do it – you can and with effort, patience and an open heart you will get there. Accept that it is a marathon, not a sprint, and it’s completely possible.
- Don’t rush the process and relationships – the relationships you cultivate will impact your lives forever, so make sure you take the time to get it right. Our egg donor and surrogate are the most extraordinary women we have ever met and are now lifelong friends. We have heard of examples where the relationship has turned sour, and in many of those cases the process was rushed and not properly considered.
- Get advice from those in the know – we would not be parents now if we didn’t make friends along the way who helped us. We are now in the position to pass it on, so ask for help - buy me a coffee and I’ll tell you the secrets!
To hear more of Martin’s story you can listen to a podcast here:
https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-australian-surrogacy-podcast/id1359532253?i=1000471948410
GHD’s commitment to diversity and inclusion is embodied within our strategy and includes: championing gender equality, cultural diversity, LGBTI inclusion, adapting work practices to capture the benefits of generational diversity, reconciliation with Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples as well as flexible working arrangements for our people.
